why i feel the need, not really sure.

I've gotten some interesting feedback from my last post. Maybe I do not write as coherently as I like to believe, or maybe we just interpret things according to our role , our journey, our story.

Whatever the case may be, I'd like to clear it up once and for all, and then move on.

My post was directed at fellow adoptees who have searched, found, and were rejected before seeing, talking, meeting.. rejection BEFORE they were given a chance. I call it the 2nd rejection, but I'm sure there is a more PC term for this somewhere. People will probably argue with me about my choice in calling it a second rejection, in the fact that there are, indeed, mothers who didn't reject , per se` the first time. Surrendered. I can live with that. Surrendering not really being a choice, but laying it all down because you truly have no other options.

As sad as it is to say, there are some mothers who actually DID have a choice. They weren't shackled, coerced, knocked out cold. They made the decision to voluntarily give their baby up for whatever reason. We all wish that wasn't the case, but sadly, it is a reality many live with.

In saying that, there are many mothers that I know and love personally that had zero choice. They were coerced, tied down, shackled, drugged up, pillows over their faces. I get it, and it hurts my heart. Those are the mothers we would all love to find.

Anyway, pardon all my prefaces. My point to my last post was this: Option A) 2nd rejection. Option B) finding your mother had already passed, thus, keeping hope that maybe she wasn't one of the ones who wouldn't reject. That's all. No other scenarios, options. Just those two.

Of COURSE I wish my mother was not dead. My comparison was not to mothers who wanted their children very much, or that I hated my mother and wished her harm.. quite the opposite, actually. I wanted her alive.. I wanted to see her, feel her, touch her, know her. Of course I know there are a million different scenarios, because of a million different stories. My post was DIRECTLY at the adoptees who have it worse than I do. Who have pain and heartache because their mothers have been cruel and not one ounce of compassion.

I know we ALL have pain. I wasn't taking away from anyone's pain. I was simply comparing 2 and only 2 scenarios. I was also supporting my friends, I know their hearts, I see it everyday. I do have sympathy, it's all I can give. Just like they can only give me sympathy, as we cannot empathize with each other's plights. While our journeys mirror each others, our endings do not.

That's it.