just go

hello, old friend.. anxiety. how i havent missed you, but you're back. you creeped up the driveway, crawled into my soul, right where you love to be, at any given moment. im no longer strong. i must be weak. for today. for yesterday and the day before and tomorrow and the week after.
im angry, its oozing, i dont trust you, i dont trust me. you wake me up in the middle of the night, if you let me sleep at all. im exhausted, im tired, im sick . i called you a friend, i lied. im pushing him away because youre here, you know that, right? either way, though, im going. i decided that at the witching hour last night, it got me out of bed, made some plans. i dont think he is going to stay. i feel in the depths of the quagmire that is me, encompassing me, that he is already on his way out. so i help him out, in my own incessantly annoying way..til he hates me. they always end up hating me. and i just sit, and i make it worse. i dont trust you, and i dont trust him. im dangerously close to knowing his secrets, why do i want to know so bad? will it give me a reason to hate him so walking away would be easier? would that be easier, to be without? seems these days it might be. im as tired if not more. he fails to see me. i fail to not see him