Well, I did it. Last week I got rid of my facebook. Ridiculous. I'm running away. Metaphorically speaking of course.. perhaps something literal in there,too, as I just cut ties with people that matter. Or, should matter.

After I found out I had lost the hope of meeting my mother, I suppose what kept me from going and getting in my bed, taking a lot of pills, and sleeping most of the rest of my life away was the fact that I found out I had siblings. In this quagmire I had found myself in, there were the tree limbs reaching out over the dark pit, holding out their lacy fingers covered in bark to save me. I grabbed on, and won't let go unless they need me to. I can't beg anyone to ever want me again. I want to matter, but I can't force myself to matter.