fires and mindfucks

Alright, I still want to blog about the fire story, but it's just not so funny anymore, I think I waited too long. I was cleaning and (who knew there were little screws you could unscrew the vent off the mircrowave so you didn't start fires whilst trying to get all that filthy grime out of the vent??) Bleach started an electrical fire, I saw black smoke-knew that wasn't good, and opened the microwave door and bam, fire. okay, that sounds exaggerated, and it is, but if you know me, you know this is par for the course. I panicked, of course, got the INDUSTRIAL sized fire extinguisher and proceeded to empty the ENTIRE contents into my little broken microwave and kitchen. um. not a grand idea. Now, because I'm not schtupid , I knew I should turn off the breaker, but then how could i call 911 and wait for 9 rings while Zelda was returning from her smoke break? Firemen came, I was made an honorary Red Bank Firefighter, because damnit, I can put out some fires, boys, and then cried on my bed for the next 20 minutes thinking of cleaning that mess up. Ever seen how messy that is after you extinguish a fire? ME, and MT, CK, I know ya'll do bc , well, experience and all, but if you don't know, trust me, you never want to find out. 2 weeks post-op and I was having a nervous breakdown. Anyway, 3 hours later it was alll cleaned up, thanks to my saving grace who called and calmed me down and Rachel stood up and got it done, boys.

Now on to my rants of the day, in no typical form or fashion, and none more or less important. ***WARNING-if you are a child (biological or not) , niece, nephew, mama or daddy of mine, stop reading now because I just MIGHT drop the F bomb.***

i gave you your warning why are you still reading this, nosey?

I'll make it short, sweet and to the point.
..
I am as loyal as they come. You F with one of mine, I turn redbankredneck on your ass. I grew up in Americus, Ga. I know how to do that. In like..2.2 seconds if need be.

2 things.
1.you mess with my best friend and mind F*ck her (and not in the good way, I've learned recently there is a good way), I'll have your balls charbroiled and feed them to the dogs.I promise one of them is so big he won't even have to chew, he just swallows 'em down whole. The other one will play fetch for a while, then get bored and gnaw on them for about 20 minutes. Ouch. Got it? You better, you little weeenie.

2. you mind F*ck my kid to the point where she has to wonder whether you love her or not and you will be cut off forever. I'm not bullshitting. I've done it before, I'll do it again. My child is precious, and priceless and if you can't or won't see that, then I have zero left to say to you. Why, as adults, do we let children down so we can do whatever it is that we want to do?

I even edited the F bomb. go me.

I'm done. Rant/Over/Chh.