Home is where you leave your heart-or something to that effect, glad I'm home.
Things to know about LV, in no particular order:
"it's hotter than 2 rats fucking in a wool sock" (thanks, Rhonda, I stole that)
If you plan on going out there and you live anywhere east of the Mississippi, where you complain about humidity, stop complaining and cancel your trip. fast. humidity is a friend. i now realize this.
If you have any type of eye allergies, cancel your trip fast.
Looking like you have extreme pink eye in both eyes for the duration of the trip tends to make you feel like an idiot. Especially when you are wearing sunglasses at night. I don't make this crap up.
Benadryl in LV is 20 dollars. I don't make this crap up.
Bring your own eyedrops if you do go. Make sure they work. Eyedrops in LV is 8 bucks. (times 3, none of them work, don't waste your money.)
I rock on the slots. Even with Satan eyes.(I work out.)
Trip was paid for by yours truly with Wheel of Fortune. ( I work out.)
I was too big of a wuss to play roulette.
If you are going to take the walking walkway thingie, freaking walk. you don't stand there, you fat tourist, that's how you got that way in the first place. Come to think of it, take the stairs next time.
Old women (and by old, I mean my age) should never go to the pool and dance to any sort of music in a bathing suit and think you are cool whilst doing so. They invented alcohol to make fools out of you. Your cellulite does bounce when you dance. "Trust me." Being loud and obnoxious also takes some of the points away from your coolness factor. I, on the other hand, just observed and did none of the behavior I just mentioned. Score one point in the cool factor-I needed that point.
Noses bleed in the desert.
Should have brought the humidifier I bought at WM last night
If you are lucky enough to ever fly with me, know I attract the mutants. Know that if you sit anywhere close to me on an airplane, you will be bothered by the fat guy behind me who coughs and can't sit still and has to grab on my headrest to get up to go to the bathroom 20,0000 times. Or, by the woman who propositions old rich guys to come to her hotel when he lands in Vegas. She . didn't. shut. up. for. 3 . hours. I wanted a plastic knife so I could stick it in my ear and pop my eardrum.
Back in Lexington, have seen my babies, all but one, get to see him today, missed them all like a crazy person misses their lithium. Oh and my puppies, I get to see them today, too. I'm sure I'll complain about the humidity again, probably in the near future when I get some curl going right after I spend an hour straightening my hair, after all, I am Rachel. I can't go a day without complaining about something, and if I can't find anything, I'll make myself trip and skin my knee or whatever.. or make stuff up. Minus one on the coolness factor.
Lord, I'm tired, but glad to be back. Glad to be in a place where everyone knows my name. Glad I can talk with a southern accent and not get looked at like I'm missing chromosomes. Glad I can drop the "g" of words ending in "ing," and say "ya'll" again.
Next stop, Mexico.Adios.
No comments:
Post a Comment