What I will do, what I won't do.

Alright, I just have to get this out there. I am not a wimpy girl who can't handle the truth. It is interesting to me everyone's perspectives.. but I am a big proponent on the delivery of the truth. I appreciate anyone who actually reads my writing, but really.. it is more like a journal of thoughts, some happy, some miserable.. I'd just like to ask a couple of things if you want to read my things.

You can't make everything better by "just kidding," "don't take this the wrong way," "with all due respect," etc.
Please read ALL of mys tuff..go down to the kidney stone story, or the pee'ing in a cup going down 95 one night at 3 am. See my happy stuff, my confused stuff.. If I'm having a bad day, whatever, let me have it-without judgement. To say things out of love is one thing, to say them out of condemnation, whether you mean them or not is not accepted here on Black and white.

Listen, I am not going to explain myself to look better in anyone's eyes. I am not going to try to convince you I'm a contributing member of society.
What I am is a mother of 3 beautiful children, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister. I am facing something in the past 6 months that I have never faced before. I have 37 years of issues that I am trying to confront and deal with. I'd appreciate the help, even the honesty, compassion..etc. What I don't need is judgement. I won't do it to you, you don't do it to me. If you feel the need.. just.. leave. It's so very easy to do, click that little x right up there in the corner, and you never have to read my truth again. I'm not here to defend myself. I am here to write my feelings so I can get them out where they won't destroy me. If you choose to say I'm immature, that I push and I pull and all those other things, fine, just don't say them here, where my healing is happening.
I seriously doubt that I can go back to the way I was. I was NUMB. I had no feelings finally for the woman who gave birth to me. I never wanted to meet her. I didn't want anything to do with her after I grew up. Now I do, so give me a break. Give me the same compassion each and every adopted child MUST FIND in their heart to search for his or her first mother.

Because trust me on this one: you'd have issues too if you thought the one person on the whole planet who was supposed to love you through ANYTHING didn't love you enough to keep you.